Parenting Is Hard

I don’t know about you, but no one sent me the handbook on parenting when I became a mom.   

It’s hard in the physical and exhausting ways but, mentally is the hardest part for me. I am constantly questioning myself if I am giving everyone enough attention, enough freedom, enough love, tough love, support, learning experiences, responsibilities. Am I giving them space to grow? Am I nurturing them enough, letting them be kids, allowing them to thrive?  Parenting is hard.  At one moment my kids are all fighting, screaming, crying, trying to kill one another and I am screaming at them to leave the house and not speak to me, or one another, for the rest of the day.  The next moment I’m in tears watching them sleep, wondering if I did my best for them that day.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to help them be their best selves when it comes time for them to go off to college or leave home.  Do we push them to be their best, kill themselves and play this rat race game of life?  Is it worth it? Is that what we want for them? To be overachievers, hard working, athletic, social, to claw their way to the top?  If we don’t push them to be that and they are unhappy later in life with their achievements, are we as parents to blame?  What if we sit back and let them enjoy life, be kids, be happy?  What if that leads to them being underachievers and unhappy? Or underachievers and happy but unsuccessful?  

I look at my life as an example.  My mom let me drop out of college to work in the fashion world because well, that is what I wanted to do.  As a parent now I look back on that choice and am so grateful she allowed me to make that decision for myself, but also am astonished she did!  It all worked out in the end and I am extremely grateful to my mom for allowing me that freedom to make my own choices.  I’m not sure I could do the same, even though I hope that I could.

As I sit here writing this, I have several pages up on my computer for summer tutoring, sail school, lacrosse camps, summer reading programs and on and on… Half of me wants to close all the tabs and let my kids be kids for the summer.  Not stress, not think about the advantages or disadvantages of making the most of the summer days.   If I let my kids decide, I know they would choose to have a lazy leisurely summer with no commitments.  But, am I doing a disservice to them by allowing that?  

I don’t have the answers but, I do know what I say to my friends when they’re feeling like I am, and that is that: your love is enough.  All you can do is to try your best and in the end, hope that it was enough.